it’s like dude i mean i’ve never talked to anyone about my gender except for my therapist and it’s like for them to not even listen to me it’s like why. like why would i fake something like this is doesnt make sense. like when i try to talk to them [ryan kelly noelle kelsey ect] they wont even read the messages they wont pick up their phones it’s like you guys are my closest friends and i need your support more than ever but instead you’re pushing me away and i don’t understand it. just because i’ve never talked to you guys about this topic doesn’t mean it’s something i haven’t been struggling with since i was a child and they know that i have and i’m just like this is such a shitty way to lose a friendship. god idk anymore i just want to like die or something because i dont have any support from anyone

if i kill myself i apologize

maybe if you love someone youll let them go

i dont know why thats such a hard concept for me to grasp

omf people actually followed oh gosh

i know you arent very happy with me

wow i just dont know anymore

i’m not going to be happy until i’m dead 

and wow 

that’s close to happening 

i don’t even know what to do with you sometimes 

i mean like you told me you were going to fix this 

but i don’t understand what you’re fixing 

because i still feel the same 

and you obviously miss him 

why did you break up if you were just going to complain about missing him 

i just don’t understand you sometimes 

maybe thing would go back to normal if you would stop telling yourself they won’t

you have no hope

so why should i

i can’t have this be one sided 

so now i guess there’s no side

just fucking wow

casually considering suicide again even though i shouldn’t oops